Owner: Stephanotis floribunda URL:http://www.stephanotisfloribunda.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Fri, 23 Feb 2007 12:45:39 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Stephanotis Floribunda: Humor & eroticism. The blog for your daily dosis of top quality jokes, cartoons, erotic pictures, flash media, games and much more.
If you think you're dumb... 2007-02-25 21:00:00 IF YOU THINK YOU'RE DUMB WHEN IT COMES TO COMPUTERS, READ THIS AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.A Dell technician received a call from a c
E-mail mistake 2007-02-25 20:52:00 An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:Dearest Wife,Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.Your Loving Husband.P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Bear and the Rabbit 2007-02-25 20:42:00 A bear said to a rabbit,"Do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said,"No, why?" Then the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt.
The pirate 2007-02-25 19:40:00 There was this Pirate, he had a steering wheel attached to his wang. When he went into the bar nearby, the bartender said to him "hey there, you have a steering wheel attached to your wang!" The Pirate replied, "Argh, it's driving me nuts!"
The snake 2007-02-25 19:37:00 A snake walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him he can't serve him. "Why not" say's the snake. The bartender tells him it´s because he can't hold his beer.
Science 2007-02-25 19:35:00 Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."The other says, "Are you sure?"The first replies, "Yes,I'm positive..."
Shot glass 2007-02-25 19:32:00 A man walks up to the bartender and says, "Y'see that cup over there? I'll bet $100 that I can piss in it from here!" The bartender readily agrees, because the shot glass is way over on the other side of the bar. So the man unzips and whips it out, then pisses in a million different directions, coming nowhere even close to the shot glass. Meanwhile the bartender's laughing so hard he can barely breathe."Pay up," gasps the bartender, so the man walks over and grabs $400 from a third guy playing pool. The bartender asks, "Why did that guy give you the money?"And the first guy says, "'Cause I bet him $400 I could piss all over your bar and you'd just laugh about it!"
Drunk ass 2007-02-25 19:29:00 A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell flat on his face. "Well, I don't want the bartender to think I'm drunk, so I'll pretend I tripped and I'll try it again." So he gets up and falls on his face. "Well, the door's not too far away; I'll just crawl."When he gets outside he thinks, "Well, I only live 4 blocks away; I can make it that far." So he stands up and falls on his face. He decides he'll try it 1 block at a time, and at every block he falls flat on his face.Finally he makes it home, stands up and falls on the bed. In the morning his wife wakes him up. "You were drunk again last night, weren't you?" "How did you know?" "The bartender called. He said you left your wheelchair at the bar." Read more:Drunk, ass
Crocodile and the Chicken 2007-02-25 19:25:00 This guy walks into a bar, carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him, and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartender "I'll have a Scotch and Soda." Then the crocodile says "And I'll have a Whiskey Sour."The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps "That's incredible; I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!" And the guy says "He can't; the chicken is a ventriloquist."
Liability 2007-02-25 16:58:00 "The director asked that you sign a liability waiver before we start shooting."
Salma Hayek's breasts! 2007-02-25 16:20:00 AFRICAN TRIBE WORSHIPS SALMA HAYEK'S BREASTS! By Mark MillerThe Mandinka tribe of Gambia, Africa, adheres to a religious practice completely unique to its people -- they worship actress Salma Hayek's breasts! "As a special treat, Chief Tuamanguluka arranged for a movie to be shown here for the first time ever. The movie was Desperado, starring the blessed Salma Hayek as Carolina, a beautiful woman who works for the local drug lord."When Hayek first appeared on screen, the Mandinkans were blown away by the sight of the 36C-25-37 actress. "Everyone gasped -- men, women, and children," recalls Kianga. "Salma was breathtakingly exquisite. She gave off a force, a light, an energy that came right through the screen and entered our very souls."After that screening, all any of the Mandinkans could talk about was Salma Hayek -- her looks, her spirit, her energy. The Mandinkans found themselves especially affected by the sight of Hayek's breasts, which are often on full display in her movies.
Bubba 2007-02-25 13:38:00 There was a man named Bubba and Bubba knew EVERYONE in the whole world!!! Once when Bubba got a new job, Bubba says to his new boss, "Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!" His boss doesn't believe him, so he says "No you do not know everyone in the whole world" but Bubba says "Yes I do!" so Bubba's boss says "Well prove it!" then Bubba says "Pick someone... and I know them!"Well Bubba's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!" Bubba says "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!" but Bubba's boss says "No you weren't!" then Bubba says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Bubba knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Bubba goes "Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Bubba!" and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Bubba's boss can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that could happen, it's just one person," so he tells Bubba and Bubba says "OK
An escaped convict 2007-02-25 13:36:00 An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.""Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!"
A mime in a zoo 2007-02-25 13:34:00 One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partiti
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